


What we did in the shadows

by Igraine_smiley



Series: Quarantine season 2020 [10]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Kinda, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igraine_smiley/pseuds/Igraine_smiley
Summary: "I don't need anything from you" Julian said with disgust "I'm here on an investigation""Investigation?" Nandor spoke for the first time."Yes, there's been a series of murders in this area...""Well... we need to eat, boy" Laszlo said "who are you? Detective asshole?"
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Series: Quarantine season 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1666678
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	1. Detective asshole

Guillermo hated the tension that had built up between him and his master after the whole Carol incident. He wasn't sure if Nandor was suspecting anything. To be honest, his master wasn't the sharpest tool in the vampire shed but he was sure he wasn't completely clueless. They had been tiptoeing around each other for weeks now. Would his master kill him? Surely not... I mean he hadn't murked him when he had found out about carol. He could have killed him back then but Guillermo knew that killing a vampire in self-defense was very different from killing a family of vampires in their house in order to defend a group of inept vampire hunters. He was so lost in his thoughts while cleaning the damn crystal chandelier that when the door bell rang he almost had a heart attack. He droped the duster in surprise and look down to the documentary crew. 

"Gizmo" Laszlo shouted "Do something useful and go get the door!"

He hated him. He really, really hated him but he still dragged his feet to go get the door. The crew trailed close behind him. He made a bit of a dramatic pause before opening the door. He had watched to many telenovelas with his mother. Guillermo wasn't going to lie, he loved the fact he was part of a film. He opened the door to reveal a tall man. He quickly realised the man was not human at all. The stranger didn't have to show Guillermo his fangs, for him to know he was a vampire. For starters, he was deadly pale and he wasn't breathing. That was a giveaway. He instinctively went to pull a stake from his back pocket but he found it empty. Shit. 

"MASTER!" he yelled into the house "There is a vampire at the door!"

"Oh, there's no need for that" the ginger vampire said "Aren't you inviting me in?"

"No" the stranger wasn't one of the assassins the council had sent, he would have broken in through a window if that were the case "I mean, I prefer to wait for my master"

"Your master" the vampire laughed "What a loyal little pet" he said getting as close to Guillermo as it was physically possible without crossing the threshold. He hated when they called him a pet but the saddest part was that it was kind of true "That's the documentary crew everyone is talking about?"

"Y..yes" Guillermo nodded.

"You better get my best angles" the vampire grinned.

"What now, Guieermo?" Nandor appeared at his side. Guillermo noticed how his master clenched his fist as soon as he made eye contact with the stranger at the door. Nandor growled and without warning, he yanked Guillermo behind his back. He's going to give him whiplash one day "What are you doing here?"

"Nandor, long time no see" the vampire smirked. They knew each other which meant bad news. Simon the devious, Jim the vampire, the Baron... Old acquaintances had always brought trouble and that wasn't even the whole list. Guillermo couldn't even ask about the stranger's identity when Nandor slammed the door hard on his face.

"Master!" he exclaimed. Being rude wasn't going to help their case. 

"You better let me in, Nandor" the vampire shouted from the other side of the door "This isn't a social visit. I'm working for the council now"

"Fuck off, Julian" Nandor replied with a stormy expression on his face. Guillermo had never seen him like that before, not even when he almost burned one of his favourite cloak while ironing. 

"I recommend you to open the door if you know what's good for your little gang" the threat directed to everyone in the house made Nandor fling the door open again. 

"What's all this racket?" Laszlo said as he walked towards the hall "Shit!"

"Come in, Julian" Nandor growled "Guieermo, go to your room"

"No, no, no" their guest replied "I need everyone in the household in the fancy room" Guillermo looked puzzled, how did this stranger know about the fancy room? Maybe all vampires had a fancy room?

They stood in awkward silence until Nadja and Colin Robinson joined them. The director was going crazy while trying to capture everything that was going on. Laszlo was fidgeting with his rings and Guillermo noticed how everyone glanced at Nandor for time to time like waiting for a reaction. 

"You could have told us you were coming" Colin said "there are many more ways of communications nowadays, like SMS but I prefer sending a long whatsapp audio..."

"Shut it, Colin Robinson" Julian snapped. 

"How dare you speak to him like that you lowly..." 

"Lowly what, Laszlo?" Julian laughed "I'm a vampire now, just like you. You don't get to boss me around anymore" he showed his fangs.

"There is no need to get agitated" Nadja pleaded "What is it that you want from us, Julian?"

"I don't need anything from you" Julian said with disgust "I'm here on an investigation"

"Investigation?" Nandor spoke for the first time. 

"Yes, there's been a series of murders in this area..."

"Well... we need to eat, boy" Laszlo said "who are you? Detective asshole?"

"Not human murders!" Julian rolled his eyes "Vampire murders. The council suspects there's a vampire hunter on the loose" Guillermo felt faint. He was so fucked.


	2. Looking familiar

Guillermo watched as his master got into the study that was turned into an interrogation room. They were all standing in the hallway waiting to give their statement. Laszlo and Nadja looked annoyed as hell while Colin Robinson seemed to be enjoying the whole ordeal a little bit too much. Guillermo was very worried. He hadn't had time to set on a story with Nandor to explain Carol's disappearance. He also didn't have a strong alibi for the night he had accidentally went hunting for vampires. Also, Nandor was a wild card. Guillermo wasn't sure how he was going to do in an interrogation setting. His master could be... well... Stupid, ok? Nandor could be incredibly dense, and he could get them all in trouble if he said the wrong thing.

"This is kind of exciting" the energy vampire said "I've never been interrogated before."

"And I wonder why!" Lazslo sang. 

"Should we call a lawyer?" Guillermo asked, getting more nervous as the minutes passed. That was probably a stupid question taking into consideration how the council trial had gone down. 

"Of course not! We are vampires. We don't do lawyers" Nadja exclaimed "and we are innocent this time, there's nothing to worry about."

"Yeah" Guillermo shuffled in his feet. He tensed up when he heard a shouting match coming from the room "might I ask where you met Julian?"

"Look, old boy" Laszlo answered "we don't talk about Julian"

"But Nandor is inside so... a little gossip never kill nobody" Colin said " he used to be Nandor's familiar" his eyes shone blue.

"Colin Robinson!" Nadja nagged. 

"It's true, though. He was such a fine familiar. Much better than you, Gizmo but well, shit hit the ceiling in a spectacular way"

"Nandor's familiar?" he muttered. He didn't know Nandor used to have a familiar before him. It made sense his master was ancient after all. Before he could continue with his inquiry the door opened revealing an angry-looking Nandor. 

"You are next" Julian ordered behind his master. 

"Wait! He's my familiar" Nandor complained "Why do you need to question him? He doesn't matter" That comment hurt, of course it did! Guillermo felt a pang in his heart every time Nandor overlooked him. He rolled his eyes, tired of the non-sense, and walked past his master towards the room. 

"I have to interrogate everyone the house, familiars included" Julian slammed the door shut. 

"So... Guillermo, the familiar. Take a seat" Julian said pointing towards an old chair "how long have you been serving Nandor?"

"Ten years, sir" he replied. Guillermo felt small under the vampire's icy stare. He couldn't imagine that dude as a familiar. No matter how hard he tried. 

"Are you sure?" Julian looked up from his notepad. 

"Yes. Why would you ask that?"

"Nandor told me you had been his familiar for four years" 

"Yes, that... Nandor can be a bit..." he struggled with the wording of that sentence.

"Clueless? Thick like a pile of bricks?" Julian offered those words to him as he arched an eyebrow.

"I didn't say that!" Guillermo exclaimed. 

"Don't worry. I know" Julian sighed "I've been in your place and honestly I don't know why you would put up with him"

"I prefer not to answer that question" he frowned. 

"You've tried to sacrifice yourself to save your master a while ago" Julian read from his notepad. 

"It was true, I killed Baron Afanas. It was an accident thought" Guillermo was sweating "I opened the door and he was there. I thought everyone was asleep..." 

"Yeah, sure. Nandor told me he killed him but nothing else. He said he had and I quote 'Ripped his head out from his body' " the vampire rolled his eyes "Can you tell me why those morons would kill Baron Afanas?"

"They didn't" Guillermo yelped "they floated the idea but they didn't kill him"

"Good" Julian nodded "I'm gonna tell you a little secret, I also think they didn't do it" he whispered "I know them, they all share half a brain cell. You must know that. I doubt they could have killed Baron Afanas" he said "but I also think there's something fishy going on here. I don't give a flying fuck about the Baron but someone's been slaughtering vampires right and left and we can't allow that"

"Are you done with my familiar? He has to go shopping!" Nandor voice boomed from the hallway.

"Silence!" Julian yelled back. 

"Fucking guy!" Guillermo could hear his master swearing. 

"So, have you seen something unusual in the neighbourhood lately? Anyone lurking around the house? Asking dogy questions?" 

"No,sir... just Jim the vampire. He's been over to kill Laszlo" Guillermo said. 

"Ah! Jim the vampire. What a great guy!" Julian laughed and got closer to Guillermo "Between you and me, I'd kill Laszlo too" throwing Jim the vampire under the bus didn't work. He had to think quickly "What were you doing on the night of January the 23rd?"

Shit, Guillermo had to come up with something. He couldn't confess the truth or point fingers to the wannabe vampire hunters because they might recognise him. He also didn't really want them to be murdered. 

"I... I think I was looking for some virgins for my master. There's been a shortage of quality food lately" He explained. 

"And where were you looking for these virgins?" Julian asked. 

"Ehh... at a Power Rangers fan club meeting" he said "I wasn't lucky"

"Ok" The vampire wrote something down on his notepad. 

"Can I ask you something, sir?" Guillermo asked. 

"Go ahead" the vampire replied without looking up from his notes.

"How did you become a vampire?"

"Nandor turned me, of course" he grinned. 

"Of course, yes" Guillermo felt like a fool. 

As soon as the interrogation was over, he left the room in a rush. He ignored everyone on the way to his dingy room. Of course Nandor, had turned him. Guillermo felt his left eye twitching. He had been serving his master for ten fucking years and there was no sign that Nandor was going to turn him any time soon and to add insult to injury this former familiar appeared out of nowhere and he was a flashy vampire with a job at the council. It was a mockery! Guillermo was seeing red. He yanked his coat from his small wardrobe and left the house. He could feel tears swelling up in his eyes as he walked around the supermarket aisles. It was a pathetic picture. As he was paying for the cleaning products they needed his phone beeped. It was a message from Paula, another familiar he was in contact with. He had forgotten about the Familiars Mixer. Well, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. He could complain non-stop about Nandor for a few hours. Yes, he would enjoy that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw episode 8 yesterday and it made me change some parts of the plot because I basically had the same concept for this fic, as you must noticed.


	3. Cheeky snack

Guillermo was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realise the crew was still following him until he reached the familiar mixer. He stopped before opening the door and turned to look at the camera. He had to explain the event to them, they were working after all and didn’t have anything to do with his shitty day. 

“I guess these mixers started as a way for familiars to network and exchange work techniques,” he said with a faint smile on his face, “but it’s mostly bitching now”

The mixer was a depressive affair as always and Guillermo kind of felt comforted by that. He had enough surprises for the day, thank you very much. Everyone there seemed half-dead, either cause of their exhausting duties or because of the dimmed white lights on the ceiling. Maybe it had been an aesthetic choice… after all, everyone there wanted to be dead. Vampiric dead, actually. Not dead dead. He gravitated towards the snacks ignoring everyone else. He wasn't in the mood for socialising. The snacks weren’t the best in the world but at least they weren’t ice chips. He manoeuvred around the lame attempt of club lights to get to the Doritos. Guillermo was enjoying the crunchy texture in his mouth when suddenly everyone flocked around the entrance like moths drawn to the light. In the middle of the crowd, like some kind of prophet, stood Celeste. She was a fellow familiar or at least until last week she had been one. His day was getting shitter by the second. 

“Guillermo!” Celeste exclaimed “Come here!”

“Hi!” he hugged her “So… you are a vampire now ” he tried not so sound bitter which he totally was. He had helped Celeste a lot while she was a familiar. Her master was a 150 years old 12-year old that ate a lot. Guillermo and Celeste would spend hours burying bodies together and now she was a vampire… fucking great. 

“How are you?” she asked before taking a vape out of her purse.

“Well enough.” Guillermo watched as Celeste exhale bright red smoke in puffs. It was badass.

“Blood. I vape it. Delicious. It’s delicious to me now that I’m a vampire. You’d probably hate it”

“I’d like it if I was.” he said. Where all vampires inherently assholes?

“Not for you! You’d be like…,” she faked a cough before turning serious, “Still working for Nandor?”

“It’s been 11 years” Celeste hissed loudly in response. 

“well, I’m not doing it like that,” she said, “I’ve promised all of my familiars that they will be vampires in eight months, maximum” everyone around them gasped.

“8 months?” Guillermo exclaimed. It was a very tempting offer and also a very suspicious one. 

“I’m building a vampire community” he stopped listening to Celeste. A few scenarios crossed his mind. He could leave Nandor and stay with Celeste, he could finally fulfil his dream but something didn’t feel right. Guillermo knew what wasn't right: his feelings for his master. He thought he would get over his silly crush but it had gotten worse over the years. He wasn't proud of it. He was more than aware the whole ordeal was toxic as fuck but the heart wants what the heart wants and Guillermo's heart wanted a dumb, oblivious and sometimes cruel vampire. Maybe he could use Celeste for leverage, like some kind of union demand. He didn’t actually want to leave his master but maybe he could get something out of Celeste’s offer.

“Are you fully staffed?” he asked. Nandor wouldn’t let him go that easily. He needed him, didn’t he? Guillermo knew that deep down his master cared for him in a twisted way.

“oh, I don’t poach,” Celeste said, “Vampire code, I mean my door is always open but you have to be free and clear of your current master” 

The crowd closed around Celeste, eager to know more about her vampire community. Someone pushed Guillermo aside and he quietly left the place. He had a lot to think about. On his way home he fantasied about leaving Nandor and turning into a vampire. He would be able to fly and drink blood. All in less than a year but was it worth it? Maybe it was. He sometimes wondered if it was time to move on. He dragged his feet against the cold pavement trying to ignore the camera following him. 

“Guillermo? Is that you?” a high pitched voice called after him. He recognized it immediately, he didn’t have that many friends after all. 

“Anna! What a coincidence.” Guillermo said “She’s a half-vampire,” he whispered for the crew, “Try not to bring it up, it’s a touchy subject”

“Is that the reality show everyone is talking about?” she asked as she got closer to them. Anna looked like she was in her twenties but you could never be sure in Guillermo's world. He didn't know her full story, only that she lived with her two dads.

“Documentary” he said. 

“Great! The camera loves me. I’m often told I look like Zendaya, you know?” Anna posed for the crew showing off her bouncy hair and expensive-looking coat. Only Zendaya looked like Zendaya but Anna was actually a very beautiful girl... Vampire... Half-vampire “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine… fine” he stuttered. He would bitch about his master to Anna but he wasn't sure if bringing up the vampire hunter investigation was a good idea.

“Is Nandor being an ass again?” the half-vampire frowned. 

“Yes…. No… It’s complicated” he answered, “What are you doing here?” He tried to change the subject.

“The dads wanted a cheeky snack and I tagged along” she pointed to some trees where her parents were probably eating some unlucky jogger.

“I thought you didn’t hunt” he was genuinely confused. 

“I drink blood from time to time… I just don’t like the hunting bit. It’s like eating a Big Mac. You know that the hamburger was running around a while ago but because you didn’t see it alive, it doesn’t mess with your head.” she explained casually “That’s enough about me. Tell me what’s going on, I’m sure it’s gonna make you feel better”

“A vampire came to the house,” he admitted, “A detective”

“Detective? As in Sherlock Holmes? What for?” Anna looked interested. She had always been nice with him, probably because the vampire community was not particularly kind to half-vampires. 

“There’s been a couple of vampire murders in the area,” he whispered, “The council suspects a vampire hunter on the loose”

“VAMPIRE HUNTER?” someone exclaimed.

“Jesus!” he threw his hand on his chest. A brunette vampire landed a few feet behind Anna. He was probably her father.

“Language young man.” the vampire nagged before turning his blue eyes at Anna. He handed her a hot pink thermos “Here you are sweetie, drink it while it’s hot”

“Thanks, dad.” she smiled “This is Guillermo…” There was no recognition on the vampire’s face, “Nandor’s familiar?” she added.

“Oh, yes! your little human friend.” Anna’s dad smiled “I’m Sebastian the vampire”

“Hi,” Guillermo said side-eyeing the crew, “Are you by chance related to Jim the vampire?”

“Yes, I am.” he replied, “do you know him?”

“He tried to kill Laszlo a while ago”

“Who hasn’t, am I right?” Sabastian laughed showing his fangs. Guillermo agreed with that a little bit too much. 

“Did you know a vampire hunter is lurking around?” Anna asked his father before taking a sip from her cup “A vampire from the Council visited Guillermo’s house looking for a vampire killer”

“He wasn’t looking for the killer in the house,” Guillermo clarified. He was getting nervous, “He just took our statements, that’s all”

“How horrible! Vampire hunter? In nice our neighbourhood?” Sabastian exclaimed as Guillermo heard a muted scream in the background. Nice neighbourhood indeed “Who are you?” the vampire pointed to the crew. 

“They are making a movie about vampires," Anna answered, “Don’t start with the paranoia” 

“Documentary” Guillermo corrected again. 

“What did that detective do to upset you?” Anna asked “Did he try to eat you?”

“No. He just… he was Nandor’s former familiar” he explained. He knew the half-vampire suspected his feelings for Nandor were a bit more than platonic. 

“Shit,” Anna gave him a knowing look , “and he’s a vampire now?”

“Ahhh… Julian is back. Interesting” Sebastian muttered. 

“JULIAN IS BACK?” someone shouted behind Guillermo’s back. 

“La puta madre!” he almost jumped out of his skin. 

“Anthony! You scared them!!” Sebastian admonished the newcomer. A vampire whose brown skin looked unnaturally pale even in the dim lights of the park.

“Good, I’m a vampire after all.” the other vampire smirked, “Is this for the tv show?”

“Documentary” Guillermo corrected tiredly. He didn't know why he still bothered. 

"Great, I'm Anthony by the way" he greeted the crew.

“You know this detective, pops?” Anna asked “He sounds like a bastard”

"Yes, haven't heard for him in decades"

“He was Nandor’s familiar” Sebastian added. Guillermo rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, we know that, dad” Anna yelled “Come on, spill the tea! What are you two hiding?”

“You two are very nosey,” Anthony gave up, “ok, Nandor and Julian had a thing going on”

“They were very cute together,” Sebastian said.

“What do you mean?” Guillermo couldn’t process the information. Nandor and Julian in a romantic relationship? That could explain the awkwardness and why his master had turned him in the first place. 

“Nandor and his familiar?” Anna gasped “WHAT?”

“It was what everyone was gossiping about back then,” Sebastian said “It’s still quite frowned upon but you know how it is”

“That's right” Anthony added “We couldn’t care less because the wedding was a banger”

“Wedding?” Nandor married his former familiar? Guillermo felt his heart skip a beat. His master had married a former familiar… he didn’t treat all familiars like shit. Maybe he really didn’t care about him after all. 

“Nobody knows what happened between those two” Anthony kept on talking. 

“Probably some messy business” Sabastian added “I was sure Nandor killed him, couldn’t control himself and ate him or something like that”

Guillermo’s day ended with a bang. He had a vampire detective following his trail, the same vampire detective that apparently had been married to his master who at the same time has been Guillermo’s crush for years. He might as well put a cherry on top of his shit of a day and face Nandor with the question he’s been mulling for months. What else could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not very happy with this chapter but I've been rewriting it for ages. Also, I'm almost in my 100th day of quarantine and my creative juices are drying.


End file.
